1 00:01:07,875 --> 00:01:09,958 Is this for the New York Times? 2 00:01:10,125 --> 00:01:12,458 No. Sorry, I... 3 00:01:15,291 --> 00:01:19,625 I write for various magazines, but this approach is personal. 4 00:01:19,791 --> 00:01:20,833 Personal? 5 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,166 Yes, sorry. Is this a problem? 6 00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:26,583 Absolutely not. What is it exactly? 7 00:01:27,166 --> 00:01:28,791 It concerns my son. 8 00:01:30,333 --> 00:01:32,333 How can I help you? 9 00:01:37,625 --> 00:01:39,041 At times, 10 00:01:39,625 --> 00:01:41,041 I look at him, 11 00:01:42,166 --> 00:01:44,041 this child that I raised, 12 00:01:44,791 --> 00:01:47,583 about which I thought I knew everything, 13 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,166 and I wonder who he is. 14 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,375 He takes all kinds of drugs, 15 00:01:55,958 --> 00:02:01,500 but he is addicted to crystal meth, which is apparently the worst of all. 16 00:02:02,833 --> 00:02:05,000 I would say that I am here 17 00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:08,499 because I want to learn 18 00:02:09,916 --> 00:02:12,166 everything possible on... 19 00:02:12,708 --> 00:02:13,833 the subject. 20 00:02:14,666 --> 00:02:17,208 “Know your enemy,” as they say. 21 00:02:21,083 --> 00:02:23,166 I have two big questions. 22 00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:28,041 What does it do to him? and how can I help him? 23 00:03:26,708 --> 00:03:29,166 County Hospital. What can I do for you? 24 00:03:29,791 --> 00:03:31,541 My son is missing 25 00:03:31,875 --> 00:03:36,250 and I wanted to know if he had not been brought to your house 26 00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:39,625 or if you had been reported an accident. 27 00:03:40,375 --> 00:03:42,750 Name and description, please. 28 00:03:42,916 --> 00:03:44,208 Nicolas Sheff. 29 00:03:44,375 --> 00:03:46,583 S-H-E-F-F. 30 00:03:46,916 --> 00:03:47,750 He is old 31 00:03:48,458 --> 00:03:49,875 18 years old. 32 00:03:50,166 --> 00:03:51,208 It measures 33 00:03:51,375 --> 00:03:52,875 a little over 1.80 m. 34 00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:54,416 Around 60 kilos, 35 00:03:54,916 --> 00:03:57,333 maybe less, I don’t know. 36 00:03:58,625 --> 00:04:00,750 He has shoulder-length brown hair. 37 00:04:00,916 --> 00:04:02,291 and green eyes. 38 00:04:03,125 --> 00:04:04,750 THANKS. Don't quit. 39 00:04:07,208 --> 00:04:08,291 Mr. Sheff? 40 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:12,458 - We don't have anyone by that name. - THANKS. 41 00:04:45,041 --> 00:04:46,791 The Happy and the Damned 42 00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:57,250 He's been missing for two days. 43 00:04:57,416 --> 00:04:59,333 Disappeared ? What's going on? 44 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:00,208 I don't know. 45 00:05:01,166 --> 00:05:03,958 Two days? You could have warned me before. 46 00:05:04,125 --> 00:05:06,166 I didn't want to worry you. 47 00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:09,750 I am his mother, David. Didn't you see this coming? 48 00:05:09,916 --> 00:05:10,916 No. 49 00:05:11,291 --> 00:05:12,291 What ? 50 00:05:12,458 --> 00:05:16,166 No, I didn't see it coming. Otherwise, I would have anticipated it. 51 00:05:16,333 --> 00:05:18,666 I was just asking, it's okay. 52 00:05:18,833 --> 00:05:20,625 I have little news of him. 53 00:05:20,791 --> 00:05:24,375 So avoid giving me parenting lessons. 54 00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:26,208 Damn it, Vicki. 55 00:05:26,583 --> 00:05:29,000 We can avoid to blame oneself? 56 00:05:29,166 --> 00:05:31,083 Who blames who? 57 00:05:31,250 --> 00:05:34,333 He's supposed to come to L.A. during the holidays, 58 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,666 but he always finds an excuse. 59 00:05:36,833 --> 00:05:39,500 It's not my fault, is it? 60 00:06:17,166 --> 00:06:18,166 Nick. 61 00:06:18,958 --> 00:06:20,666 There's your little brother. 62 00:06:23,041 --> 00:06:24,583 Support his head. 63 00:06:31,916 --> 00:06:33,333 Hello, Jasper. 64 00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:35,333 Hello, little guy. 65 00:06:39,375 --> 00:06:40,791 It's incredible. 66 00:06:44,833 --> 00:06:46,083 He sticks out his tongue. 67 00:06:50,875 --> 00:06:52,458 You're so cute. 68 00:06:53,625 --> 00:06:56,041 Bye. I will miss you this summer. 69 00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:57,833 - You too. - write to me. 70 00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:58,958 You too. 71 00:06:59,125 --> 00:07:01,083 - Practice your French. - Yes, ma'am. 72 00:07:01,458 --> 00:07:04,041 Have a great summer. Hello to mom. 73 00:07:06,833 --> 00:07:08,000 More than anything. 74 00:07:08,708 --> 00:07:09,875 More than anything. 75 00:08:18,625 --> 00:08:19,708 Come on. 76 00:08:44,833 --> 00:08:46,833 - Where were you? - I have to sleep. 77 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,458 - What were you doing? - Leave me alone. 78 00:08:51,583 --> 00:08:53,833 Children, go downstairs. 79 00:08:54,875 --> 00:08:56,000 I'm coming. 80 00:09:40,208 --> 00:09:42,291 Listen, dad, I'm... 81 00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:44,750 I'm really sorry. 82 00:09:47,041 --> 00:09:49,458 I honestly screwed up, but... 83 00:09:49,625 --> 00:09:54,000 This will happen again, I don't want to fall into this shit again. 84 00:09:54,916 --> 00:09:56,333 Come in with me. 85 00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:58,875 We will have the opinion of specialists. 86 00:09:59,041 --> 00:10:01,791 I'm 18, you can't force me! 87 00:10:05,125 --> 00:10:07,416 This has gone too far, hasn't it? 88 00:10:07,791 --> 00:10:09,041 Don't you think so? 89 00:10:13,416 --> 00:10:14,458 Come on. 90 00:10:16,791 --> 00:10:17,875 All right. 91 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,583 But it's for you. 92 00:10:55,125 --> 00:10:57,458 He needs to get treatment, and quickly. 93 00:10:57,625 --> 00:10:59,750 He is still very intoxicated. 94 00:11:00,708 --> 00:11:03,000 And above all, he is in denial. 95 00:11:05,583 --> 00:11:07,083 Can you help him? 96 00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,458 Yes. You know, 97 00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:12,375 many of our patients are here despite themselves. 98 00:11:13,125 --> 00:11:15,041 This does not reduce their chances. 99 00:11:16,625 --> 00:11:18,375 We have a bed available. 100 00:11:18,541 --> 00:11:21,458 We can admit it for a 28-day cure, 101 00:11:21,625 --> 00:11:22,958 then take stock. 102 00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:28,416 What is your success rate? 103 00:11:28,583 --> 00:11:30,708 In the high range, 80%. 104 00:11:30,875 --> 00:11:31,958 In the bass, 105 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,500 25%. 106 00:11:35,541 --> 00:11:39,250 It will be monitored on a daily basis by a psychiatrist and a general practitioner. 107 00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:43,125 We offer NA and AA meetings. 108 00:11:43,958 --> 00:11:45,708 He will be closely monitored. 109 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,041 THANKS. 110 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,583 The last page. 111 00:11:54,458 --> 00:11:55,750 More than anything. 112 00:11:58,875 --> 00:12:00,041 More than anything. 113 00:12:46,791 --> 00:12:49,208 Why do you stay locked up? 114 00:12:49,666 --> 00:12:52,875 You never leave your room. He looks like a vampire. 115 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:56,541 I read. 116 00:12:57,666 --> 00:12:58,791 I draw. 117 00:13:01,208 --> 00:13:04,041 You know what? We should go surfing. 118 00:13:06,291 --> 00:13:07,583 What does that tell you? 119 00:13:07,916 --> 00:13:10,250 I moved on to other stuff. 120 00:13:11,125 --> 00:13:14,166 To misanthropic writers totally depressed? 121 00:13:14,375 --> 00:13:15,750 Don't exaggerate. 122 00:13:16,541 --> 00:13:18,625 - They're geniuses. - I understand. 123 00:13:21,750 --> 00:13:23,125 It will pass to you, 124 00:13:23,583 --> 00:13:25,166 like everyone else. 125 00:13:26,041 --> 00:13:27,208 What ? 126 00:13:27,625 --> 00:13:30,041 The feeling of being different 127 00:13:30,541 --> 00:13:31,666 and alone. 128 00:13:33,416 --> 00:13:35,291 I feel better, thank you. 129 00:13:40,333 --> 00:13:42,083 Sorry, it was... 130 00:13:42,583 --> 00:13:44,458 I didn't mean that. 131 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,916 It was your idea. 132 00:14:01,166 --> 00:14:02,333 Hello, dad. 133 00:14:03,916 --> 00:14:06,958 We find that he has made enormous progress. 134 00:14:07,125 --> 00:14:08,208 Right, Nick? 135 00:14:08,666 --> 00:14:09,541 It's great. 136 00:14:09,708 --> 00:14:10,750 It's good. 137 00:14:11,125 --> 00:14:13,875 We should talk about the coming weeks. 138 00:14:14,041 --> 00:14:17,041 I think I still need help. 139 00:14:17,208 --> 00:14:19,375 If you agree, I would like 140 00:14:19,541 --> 00:14:21,000 stay in aftercare here. 141 00:14:22,250 --> 00:14:26,250 Aftercare is open therapeutic accommodation. 142 00:14:26,416 --> 00:14:28,375 We would follow him every evening 143 00:14:28,958 --> 00:14:31,458 and we would help him find a job. 144 00:14:32,083 --> 00:14:35,000 I don't want to go to college. 145 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,083 Not right away. 146 00:14:39,166 --> 00:14:40,833 And what will you do? 147 00:14:42,291 --> 00:14:44,250 I need to be independent. 148 00:14:47,875 --> 00:14:49,791 Trust me, Dad. 149 00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:54,041 It will be good for me. 150 00:14:55,458 --> 00:14:58,208 Is he going to serve coffee all his life? 151 00:14:58,958 --> 00:15:03,041 Frederick told me about a teenager for whom one month was not enough 152 00:15:03,208 --> 00:15:05,041 and who is doing a one-year treatment. 153 00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:07,541 Avoid telling everyone about it. 154 00:15:09,750 --> 00:15:11,791 What can it do? 155 00:15:11,958 --> 00:15:15,291 Think of Nic. When he gets his life back together, 156 00:15:15,458 --> 00:15:18,041 as long as it is not labeled. 157 00:15:21,708 --> 00:15:23,750 Is it going to be my fault? 158 00:15:24,541 --> 00:15:26,750 Nic needs more time. 159 00:15:26,916 --> 00:15:28,333 It doesn't matter. 160 00:15:29,916 --> 00:15:30,875 All right ? 161 00:15:47,083 --> 00:15:48,000 David Sheff. 162 00:15:48,166 --> 00:15:52,041 Hello, Mr. Sheff. This is Annie Goldblum, from the Ohlhoff Center. 163 00:15:52,208 --> 00:15:53,791 Yes. Good morning. 164 00:15:53,958 --> 00:15:58,041 Sorry to bother you, but it's about Nic. 165 00:16:00,666 --> 00:16:03,333 It came out today at authorized times 166 00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:05,791 and he didn't come back. 167 00:16:07,416 --> 00:16:08,833 I'm sorry. 168 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,250 But don't worry too much, It happens. 169 00:16:15,083 --> 00:16:17,375 I thought he was better. 170 00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:20,833 Tell yourself that this is a normal step. 171 00:16:21,166 --> 00:16:23,750 Relapses are part of healing. 172 00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:25,916 Do we relapse to heal? 173 00:16:26,083 --> 00:16:28,875 It was part of Nic's learning. 174 00:16:30,416 --> 00:16:34,250 And crashing is part of it pilot training? 175 00:16:35,125 --> 00:16:37,083 He will no doubt return soon. 176 00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:38,291 Are you looking for it? 177 00:16:38,916 --> 00:16:42,666 We are no longer responsible once it's out. 178 00:16:42,833 --> 00:16:44,083 But if he wants... 179 00:17:20,499 --> 00:17:21,624 Please. 180 00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:25,124 You saw a teenager hanging around? 181 00:17:25,541 --> 00:17:26,458 No ? 182 00:17:26,624 --> 00:17:27,874 THANKS. 183 00:18:15,291 --> 00:18:17,708 - I'm responsible for the dirty work. - What does that tell you? 184 00:18:20,041 --> 00:18:22,375 - Hide that. - We're going to share it. 185 00:18:22,541 --> 00:18:24,458 - This is madness. - You smoke. 186 00:18:26,083 --> 00:18:28,375 - We share! - It's occasional. 187 00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,458 We smoke it together. 188 00:18:30,625 --> 00:18:31,458 Stop. 189 00:18:31,625 --> 00:18:33,000 Or I smoke it alone. 190 00:18:33,166 --> 00:18:35,000 You're right, I'll keep it. 191 00:18:35,166 --> 00:18:36,083 Stop. 192 00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:39,708 I sometimes pull on a joint in the evening, 193 00:18:39,875 --> 00:18:42,291 but it hasn't happened for a long time. 194 00:18:42,458 --> 00:18:46,416 See it like the pipe reunion with your son. 195 00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:48,416 It’s nonsense! 196 00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:50,666 Frankly, you amaze me. 197 00:18:50,833 --> 00:18:54,166 You apply for six colleges and you are admitted to all of them? 198 00:18:54,541 --> 00:18:56,291 Stop doubting yourself. 199 00:18:56,625 --> 00:18:57,833 You assure. 200 00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:00,750 Give me that. 201 00:19:06,125 --> 00:19:07,000 What ? 202 00:19:07,166 --> 00:19:08,750 It was well played. 203 00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:12,166 What ? 204 00:19:14,666 --> 00:19:16,916 Thanks, that's nice... 205 00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:20,458 from you. 206 00:19:23,041 --> 00:19:25,291 You've been on drugs quite a bit, haven't you? 207 00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,833 Yes, enough. 208 00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:31,916 I experimented with drugs. It's true. 209 00:19:34,625 --> 00:19:37,208 But no hard drugs. I knew a guy... 210 00:19:37,375 --> 00:19:39,250 Is it sermon time? 211 00:19:40,333 --> 00:19:42,833 Relax, everyone takes drugs. 212 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:43,875 Be careful. 213 00:19:44,041 --> 00:19:48,250 It's just weed, to get me off. I only smoke it 214 00:19:48,416 --> 00:19:49,666 from time to time. 215 00:19:50,083 --> 00:19:52,208 I deserve to have a little fun. 216 00:19:52,375 --> 00:19:53,750 Do you “deserve” it? 217 00:19:54,416 --> 00:19:57,125 It allows me to escape, 218 00:19:58,041 --> 00:20:01,000 to forget the stupid reality of everyday life. 219 00:20:04,583 --> 00:20:07,250 What is stupid about reality? 220 00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:09,375 You know... 221 00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:13,208 all this stupid, unimportant stuff. 222 00:20:15,375 --> 00:20:19,583 Don't say stupid things like that or you will end up believing it. 223 00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:33,416 Symptoms of crystal meth 224 00:20:33,708 --> 00:20:35,625 Highly addictive stimulant 225 00:20:39,041 --> 00:20:42,083 May cause a sudden change in mood, 226 00:20:42,250 --> 00:20:43,875 make you aggressive and violent. 227 00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:52,291 Thanks for my business, Karen. 228 00:20:58,125 --> 00:20:59,583 Welcome to my home. 229 00:21:02,041 --> 00:21:03,500 15 days ago, 230 00:21:03,666 --> 00:21:06,708 you told me you didn't take meth only once. 231 00:21:07,375 --> 00:21:10,750 Your story doesn't hold water, right? 232 00:21:11,291 --> 00:21:12,791 It goes further. 233 00:21:13,833 --> 00:21:15,916 -David... - We need to know. 234 00:21:17,291 --> 00:21:18,708 We need to know. 235 00:21:22,708 --> 00:21:24,416 I always liked that. 236 00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:26,250 What ? 237 00:21:28,791 --> 00:21:31,166 All. Weed, alcohol, 238 00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:32,958 ecstasy, cocaine, 239 00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,375 LSD... 240 00:21:36,250 --> 00:21:38,208 You take all these substances 241 00:21:38,375 --> 00:21:40,291 for what, years? 242 00:21:40,458 --> 00:21:42,041 Two or three years. 243 00:21:44,166 --> 00:21:44,958 What about meth? 244 00:21:46,583 --> 00:21:48,333 Just two or three months. 245 00:21:50,250 --> 00:21:51,125 For what ? 246 00:21:54,083 --> 00:21:55,458 I don't know. 247 00:22:01,916 --> 00:22:04,041 The first time, I felt... 248 00:22:10,041 --> 00:22:12,708 a well-being that I had never experienced. 249 00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:15,416 So I continued. 250 00:22:16,083 --> 00:22:17,458 I was worried 251 00:22:17,875 --> 00:22:21,166 that you smoke too much weed. Meanwhile, 252 00:22:21,333 --> 00:22:23,875 you send yourself all possible drugs. 253 00:22:24,041 --> 00:22:25,666 You hide 254 00:22:25,833 --> 00:22:27,083 and you lie. 255 00:22:27,958 --> 00:22:29,083 For what ? 256 00:22:30,958 --> 00:22:32,208 I don't know. 257 00:22:32,625 --> 00:22:34,125 For what ? Tell me. 258 00:22:34,291 --> 00:22:35,208 I don't know. 259 00:22:35,375 --> 00:22:38,583 I believed that we had a separate relationship. 260 00:22:38,750 --> 00:22:42,000 I owe you on everything. You're disappointed in college... 261 00:22:42,166 --> 00:22:43,541 Who is to blame? 262 00:22:43,708 --> 00:22:44,916 Even recently, 263 00:22:45,083 --> 00:22:47,083 you read, you wrote, you were 264 00:22:47,250 --> 00:22:49,125 on the water polo team. 265 00:22:49,291 --> 00:22:51,000 And look at us! 266 00:22:51,833 --> 00:22:53,750 We are not those people. 267 00:22:53,916 --> 00:22:55,541 That's enough, both of you. 268 00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:58,125 I'm sorry for everything. 269 00:23:00,041 --> 00:23:01,625 I'm so... 270 00:23:05,041 --> 00:23:06,958 I'm sorry, Dad. 271 00:23:11,208 --> 00:23:13,125 What you have inside you, 272 00:23:14,458 --> 00:23:16,333 you will find him. 273 00:23:20,083 --> 00:23:21,875 It will come back. 274 00:24:04,125 --> 00:24:05,041 Nick! 275 00:24:50,708 --> 00:24:51,666 Hello, dad. 276 00:24:54,083 --> 00:24:55,166 So, New York? 277 00:24:55,333 --> 00:24:57,916 Great. I did a good interview. 278 00:24:58,083 --> 00:24:59,458 - Cool. - And you ? 279 00:24:59,625 --> 00:25:01,125 I'm doing well. 280 00:25:02,416 --> 00:25:03,708 Are you sure? 281 00:25:06,125 --> 00:25:07,166 What ? 282 00:25:08,791 --> 00:25:10,333 What's going on? 283 00:25:11,458 --> 00:25:14,041 We had a great group session. 284 00:25:14,583 --> 00:25:18,291 One of the patients said that he dreamed of going to college. 285 00:25:18,458 --> 00:25:19,708 We discussed afterwards 286 00:25:19,875 --> 00:25:23,541 and he said, “Can you go to college? Go for it, idiot.” 287 00:25:25,500 --> 00:25:29,958 It's crazy, but I understand that it would be stupid to miss that. 288 00:25:30,125 --> 00:25:32,291 I love writing and I believe 289 00:25:32,875 --> 00:25:35,791 that I am gifted. I write a lot, but... 290 00:25:36,583 --> 00:25:38,666 it's clear that I still have 291 00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:41,333 a lot to learn. 292 00:25:43,541 --> 00:25:44,708 In short... 293 00:25:46,083 --> 00:25:48,000 I would like to try my luck 294 00:25:48,500 --> 00:25:50,875 if you agree. 295 00:25:54,083 --> 00:25:57,583 I will discuss it with Karen and your mother. 296 00:26:24,208 --> 00:26:25,583 Have you seen your roommate? 297 00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:27,958 He looks nice, he's outside. 298 00:26:28,833 --> 00:26:30,375 You will suffer. 299 00:26:32,958 --> 00:26:34,958 I will educate him. 300 00:26:36,083 --> 00:26:38,791 He will quickly get into John Zorn. 301 00:26:48,833 --> 00:26:50,458 I'm going to go there. 302 00:27:03,666 --> 00:27:04,875 More than anything. 303 00:27:06,291 --> 00:27:07,500 More than anything. 304 00:27:21,791 --> 00:27:24,875 It's a poem by Charles Bukowski. 305 00:27:28,500 --> 00:27:30,916 This man has often saved my life. 306 00:27:32,083 --> 00:27:34,458 “I was going from job to job and city to city. 307 00:27:34,916 --> 00:27:36,291 I hated vacations, 308 00:27:36,833 --> 00:27:38,708 babies, history, 309 00:27:39,083 --> 00:27:42,250 newspapers, museums, grandmothers, 310 00:27:43,166 --> 00:27:44,291 marriage, 311 00:27:44,458 --> 00:27:46,416 movies, spiders, 312 00:27:47,625 --> 00:27:48,833 garbage collectors, 313 00:27:49,083 --> 00:27:50,125 English accents, 314 00:27:50,875 --> 00:27:52,833 Spain, France, 315 00:27:53,375 --> 00:27:54,291 Italy, 316 00:27:54,583 --> 00:27:56,875 nuts and orange color. 317 00:27:58,166 --> 00:28:00,083 Algebra was driving me crazy. 318 00:28:00,500 --> 00:28:02,250 The opera made me vomit. 319 00:28:02,708 --> 00:28:07,291 Charlie Chaplin was a smoker and flowers, good for queers." 320 00:28:10,541 --> 00:28:11,541 Thank you. 321 00:28:28,916 --> 00:28:30,041 Come here. 322 00:29:05,625 --> 00:29:07,666 Can I use the toilet? 323 00:29:07,833 --> 00:29:10,291 You go up, and it's on the left. 324 00:30:23,208 --> 00:30:25,291 - Hello, dad. - Hi, Nick. 325 00:30:25,458 --> 00:30:27,083 How is it going? 326 00:30:27,250 --> 00:30:31,000 Super good. Could you wire me some money? 327 00:30:31,208 --> 00:30:32,791 Safe injection 328 00:31:58,291 --> 00:32:00,625 You always gorge yourself on fondue. 329 00:32:01,250 --> 00:32:03,708 Patrick and Phil are going for a walk tomorrow. 330 00:32:03,875 --> 00:32:05,291 We are welcome. 331 00:32:10,750 --> 00:32:12,708 What about Jasper and Daisy? 332 00:32:12,875 --> 00:32:14,250 They are not there. 333 00:32:14,625 --> 00:32:16,791 - They didn't want to see me? - No. 334 00:32:16,958 --> 00:32:18,000 It hurt. 335 00:32:20,250 --> 00:32:22,750 I'm going to sit back and take the blame. 336 00:32:24,291 --> 00:32:25,250 That, then! 337 00:32:25,416 --> 00:32:27,041 It's Daisy! 338 00:32:27,750 --> 00:32:28,708 And Jasper! 339 00:32:28,875 --> 00:32:31,583 It’s crazy how much you’ve grown! 340 00:32:36,041 --> 00:32:38,166 Denmark, 1632. 341 00:32:38,333 --> 00:32:39,416 We... 342 00:32:40,083 --> 00:32:43,833 ...let's lean on the history of hula hoop. 343 00:32:44,291 --> 00:32:46,416 An invention that counted 344 00:32:46,875 --> 00:32:49,875 in culture peace and wisdom. 345 00:32:50,458 --> 00:32:53,041 - The man named George... - Hoopulu... 346 00:32:56,333 --> 00:32:57,916 ...had an idea. 347 00:32:58,083 --> 00:33:01,541 “I will develop this discipline…” 348 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:19,250 I can take the car to go to a meeting? 349 00:33:20,250 --> 00:33:21,125 This evening ? 350 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,375 No problem. 351 00:33:27,291 --> 00:33:29,458 - Are you doing well ? - It's just... 352 00:33:31,291 --> 00:33:32,750 They are unleashed. 353 00:33:33,208 --> 00:33:35,083 It's joy to see you. 354 00:33:37,166 --> 00:33:38,833 See you tomorrow morning. 355 00:34:31,874 --> 00:34:32,791 Where is he? 356 00:34:32,958 --> 00:34:34,374 I didn't take it! 357 00:34:34,541 --> 00:34:35,541 Where is he? 358 00:34:35,708 --> 00:34:36,999 I didn't take it! 359 00:34:37,166 --> 00:34:38,499 Children! 360 00:34:39,499 --> 00:34:40,958 Where is he? 361 00:34:41,124 --> 00:34:42,708 Children, stop! 362 00:34:42,874 --> 00:34:44,541 What's going on? 363 00:34:44,708 --> 00:34:46,333 She took my money. 364 00:34:46,499 --> 00:34:48,124 That's not true. 365 00:34:48,291 --> 00:34:49,499 Go down 366 00:34:49,666 --> 00:34:50,458 see mom. 367 00:34:50,624 --> 00:34:52,916 - You took it! - Stop. 368 00:34:53,083 --> 00:34:54,791 I didn't take it, dad. 369 00:34:54,958 --> 00:34:56,374 I know. 370 00:34:56,791 --> 00:34:58,958 We're going to have breakfast. 371 00:34:59,125 --> 00:35:00,666 What's going on? 372 00:35:02,375 --> 00:35:03,750 He disappeared. 373 00:35:04,625 --> 00:35:08,291 - Are you sure he was there? - He was there yesterday. 374 00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:18,583 Jasper's savings are gone. 375 00:35:20,250 --> 00:35:21,708 It's weird. 376 00:35:27,750 --> 00:35:29,875 Did you take his 8 dollars? 377 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,083 - What ? - You heard me. 378 00:35:35,375 --> 00:35:36,875 Why would I do that? 379 00:35:37,583 --> 00:35:39,666 They didn't disappear on their own. 380 00:35:39,833 --> 00:35:41,125 So it's me. 381 00:35:42,041 --> 00:35:44,208 It's downright ridiculous. 382 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:47,583 Have you taken drugs again? 383 00:35:47,750 --> 00:35:49,791 What if I took drugs again? No. 384 00:35:52,958 --> 00:35:54,875 Are you high right now? 385 00:35:55,333 --> 00:35:57,875 I'm hallucinating. No. Kiss my ass. 386 00:35:58,041 --> 00:36:01,625 Don't talk to me like that. Are you high? 387 00:36:02,208 --> 00:36:03,041 No. 388 00:36:03,250 --> 00:36:06,125 You don't take drugs? Do you take any? 389 00:36:06,375 --> 00:36:09,083 No, I'm not fucking high. 390 00:36:16,708 --> 00:36:20,833 It was risky to send you to college. We all supported your choice. 391 00:36:22,166 --> 00:36:23,250 I don't regret it. 392 00:36:24,625 --> 00:36:26,708 Relapses are part of... 393 00:36:27,625 --> 00:36:28,875 of healing. 394 00:36:30,083 --> 00:36:32,291 - We will... - I'm leaving. 395 00:36:45,333 --> 00:36:49,166 Where are you going to go? Don't go like that, it's ridiculous. 396 00:36:49,333 --> 00:36:52,250 Can we talk about it? That's all we ask. 397 00:36:52,416 --> 00:36:55,041 We would like to try to understand. 398 00:36:55,375 --> 00:36:58,291 - Let us help you. - I don't want your help. 399 00:36:58,458 --> 00:37:00,875 You don't get anything. Are you stuffy? 400 00:37:01,208 --> 00:37:03,958 Don't you see that you're suffocating me? 401 00:37:04,125 --> 00:37:05,333 You are suffocating me! 402 00:37:05,500 --> 00:37:07,833 It's our fault, right? 403 00:37:08,708 --> 00:37:12,333 You are the one responsible, you who take drugs! 404 00:37:12,500 --> 00:37:16,083 And you are the only one to be able to get you out of there! 405 00:38:04,833 --> 00:38:06,875 Ghost-skeleton with cool cut 406 00:38:09,208 --> 00:38:10,500 Big cock 407 00:38:18,750 --> 00:38:19,791 I manage. 408 00:38:20,875 --> 00:38:23,916 What harm can do a Percocet tablet? 409 00:38:25,875 --> 00:38:29,666 With time, we no longer know why we stopped. 410 00:38:38,125 --> 00:38:41,041 With drugs, my world has gone technicolor. 411 00:38:41,208 --> 00:38:44,666 I don't want to lose that. I tell people what suits them. 412 00:38:54,083 --> 00:38:56,666 Everything is falling apart faster and faster. 413 00:38:58,916 --> 00:39:01,333 The more drugs I take, the more I shame myself, 414 00:39:01,500 --> 00:39:04,375 and the more I have to do drugs to forget my shame. 415 00:39:09,291 --> 00:39:12,291 I'm already too far to return to the shore. 416 00:39:17,500 --> 00:39:20,125 No meth here. I had to buy some hero. 417 00:39:20,833 --> 00:39:23,750 I can only continue without looking back. 418 00:39:41,666 --> 00:39:45,083 Is this for the New York Times? 419 00:39:46,750 --> 00:39:47,875 No. 420 00:39:48,041 --> 00:39:52,875 I write for various magazines, but this approach is personal. 421 00:39:53,125 --> 00:39:54,250 Personal? 422 00:39:54,416 --> 00:39:56,500 Yes, sorry. Is this a problem? 423 00:39:56,666 --> 00:39:59,875 Absolutely not. What is it exactly? 424 00:40:00,500 --> 00:40:01,791 It concerns my son. 425 00:40:07,791 --> 00:40:10,041 He takes all kinds of drugs, 426 00:40:10,625 --> 00:40:15,791 but he is addicted to crystal meth, which is apparently the worst of all. 427 00:40:16,375 --> 00:40:18,250 I would say that I am here 428 00:40:18,416 --> 00:40:20,875 because I want to learn 429 00:40:21,166 --> 00:40:24,083 everything possible on the subject. 430 00:40:26,333 --> 00:40:29,333 Crystal meth causes a feeling of euphoria 431 00:40:29,875 --> 00:40:31,541 at the time of taking. 432 00:40:32,083 --> 00:40:34,958 During the descent, dopamine drops by 60%, 433 00:40:35,625 --> 00:40:36,916 and the consumer 434 00:40:37,083 --> 00:40:39,833 must increase the dose, double it, triple it 435 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:41,958 to feel something. 436 00:40:42,125 --> 00:40:44,375 Damage to the nervous system 437 00:40:44,541 --> 00:40:47,958 cause an increased need to consume. 438 00:40:48,625 --> 00:40:49,583 A hellish cycle. 439 00:40:51,916 --> 00:40:53,000 How are you? 440 00:40:54,125 --> 00:40:56,250 I'm doing research. 441 00:41:24,791 --> 00:41:25,750 Good morning. 442 00:41:32,208 --> 00:41:33,458 Are you hungry? 443 00:41:34,541 --> 00:41:36,416 Should I offer you something? 444 00:41:37,916 --> 00:41:40,500 Usually, guys ask me for a blowjob. 445 00:41:41,291 --> 00:41:46,000 I just want to buy you a meal and chat, if you like. 446 00:41:46,166 --> 00:41:49,083 Meth physically changes the brain. 447 00:41:49,375 --> 00:41:53,666 Here are the damaged neuroreceptors of a consumer. 448 00:41:55,208 --> 00:41:57,041 Now look at that. 449 00:41:57,416 --> 00:42:01,625 You see these two big red dots? 450 00:42:02,125 --> 00:42:06,375 This is a sign of hyperactivity from the amygdala, in the brain, 451 00:42:06,541 --> 00:42:09,041 which is the seat anxiety and fear. 452 00:42:09,208 --> 00:42:11,041 This amygdala is screaming. 453 00:42:15,833 --> 00:42:19,291 This shows that there is a biological cause 454 00:42:20,375 --> 00:42:25,333 that makes meth users incapable, despite their will, 455 00:42:25,500 --> 00:42:28,583 to follow the withdrawal cures classics. 456 00:42:29,083 --> 00:42:30,708 I was in rehab. 457 00:42:31,291 --> 00:42:34,416 Three times. I gave up every time. 458 00:42:35,500 --> 00:42:36,500 For what ? 459 00:42:37,916 --> 00:42:39,166 It was hell. 460 00:42:40,208 --> 00:42:41,625 I wanted to die. 461 00:42:42,541 --> 00:42:43,916 Why hell? 462 00:42:44,708 --> 00:42:46,333 All their Catholic blabla. 463 00:42:47,791 --> 00:42:50,958 And meth, when it's good, it's really good. 464 00:42:51,541 --> 00:42:53,083 It's hard to explain. 465 00:42:53,416 --> 00:42:54,833 It's like coke, 466 00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,750 but multiplied by a thousand. 467 00:42:56,916 --> 00:42:58,291 Or a million. 468 00:42:58,541 --> 00:43:00,833 What will happen to Nic? 469 00:43:01,166 --> 00:43:02,708 Listen, Mr. Sheff. 470 00:43:03,541 --> 00:43:06,291 I don't know what we made you believe, 471 00:43:06,458 --> 00:43:09,750 but the success rate is less than 10%. 472 00:43:16,125 --> 00:43:17,666 And your parents? 473 00:43:18,666 --> 00:43:19,833 What ? 474 00:43:20,916 --> 00:43:23,166 They must be worried about you. 475 00:43:23,666 --> 00:43:24,916 You should... 476 00:43:26,333 --> 00:43:27,750 warn them that... 477 00:43:28,750 --> 00:43:30,083 They don't care. 478 00:43:32,166 --> 00:43:33,500 You are wrong. 479 00:43:35,375 --> 00:43:37,166 Where do you get that from? 480 00:43:45,166 --> 00:43:46,458 I have to go. 481 00:43:54,041 --> 00:43:55,041 THANKS. 482 00:45:13,458 --> 00:45:14,416 Good God! 483 00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,250 I'll tell you in Klingon. Ready? 484 00:46:55,500 --> 00:46:57,291 - What did I say? - Coca-Cola. 485 00:46:57,458 --> 00:46:58,458 Well done ! 486 00:46:59,083 --> 00:47:00,208 That's it. 487 00:47:00,916 --> 00:47:02,291 That's exactly it. 488 00:47:02,458 --> 00:47:04,375 Can I have a Coca-Cola? 489 00:47:04,541 --> 00:47:05,625 Ask me 490 00:47:05,791 --> 00:47:07,708 in Klingon, and we'll see. 491 00:47:44,291 --> 00:47:45,500 That hasn't changed. 492 00:47:46,416 --> 00:47:47,666 This restaurant... 493 00:47:50,750 --> 00:47:52,000 How are you? 494 00:47:52,333 --> 00:47:54,500 It's going great. I do... 495 00:47:57,958 --> 00:47:59,000 what it takes. 496 00:48:00,583 --> 00:48:01,875 What does that mean? 497 00:48:02,041 --> 00:48:04,000 I take charge of myself. 498 00:48:05,791 --> 00:48:07,458 I stopped on my own. 499 00:48:08,291 --> 00:48:09,958 It's been 5 days. 500 00:48:11,875 --> 00:48:16,083 To be truly peaceful, I would need some money. 501 00:48:17,625 --> 00:48:18,791 I can't. 502 00:48:25,791 --> 00:48:29,625 Just $200, to organize myself and go to New York. 503 00:48:30,583 --> 00:48:31,708 New York ? 504 00:48:32,583 --> 00:48:33,875 In San Francisco, 505 00:48:34,041 --> 00:48:35,166 there are too many... 506 00:48:35,833 --> 00:48:38,875 too many bad vibes in every direction. 507 00:48:41,625 --> 00:48:43,166 I just need $200. 508 00:48:43,500 --> 00:48:46,958 What if we talked over lunch? We can do that, right? 509 00:48:53,750 --> 00:48:56,291 How are Karen and the little ones? 510 00:48:56,458 --> 00:48:57,458 GOOD. 511 00:48:58,041 --> 00:48:59,458 They want you. 512 00:49:00,125 --> 00:49:03,958 They are having their end of year party. They wish you were there. 513 00:49:04,416 --> 00:49:07,833 Do you want to make me feel guilty? I feel pretty shitty. 514 00:49:09,875 --> 00:49:13,708 They would have liked you to be there, that's all. 515 00:49:14,875 --> 00:49:16,750 Sorry, Dad. 516 00:49:17,625 --> 00:49:19,416 I really need some money. 517 00:49:19,833 --> 00:49:22,250 - Help me, please. -And then? 518 00:49:22,708 --> 00:49:26,416 I'm on the right track, I stopped 5 days ago. 519 00:49:26,583 --> 00:49:27,666 It's not obvious. 520 00:49:27,958 --> 00:49:29,958 What do you suggest? A cure? 521 00:49:30,166 --> 00:49:31,458 Come home. 522 00:49:31,625 --> 00:49:34,125 We're going to get you out of there. Please. 523 00:49:36,208 --> 00:49:37,291 Please. 524 00:49:44,541 --> 00:49:45,833 I documented myself. 525 00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:47,875 Tell me it's a joke! 526 00:49:49,250 --> 00:49:51,791 You think you have control over your consumption. 527 00:49:52,416 --> 00:49:54,000 I understand your fear. 528 00:49:54,166 --> 00:49:56,000 I understand what drives me 529 00:49:56,166 --> 00:49:58,541 and it changes nothing. Madness attracts me. 530 00:49:58,708 --> 00:50:02,833 I shame you because I'm older your little phenomenon. 531 00:50:04,083 --> 00:50:06,125 You don't love me as I am. 532 00:50:06,291 --> 00:50:07,333 Who are you? 533 00:50:08,083 --> 00:50:10,333 I am me, as you see me. 534 00:50:17,500 --> 00:50:19,250 Do you like what you see? 535 00:50:26,250 --> 00:50:28,458 Something seems clear to me. 536 00:50:30,500 --> 00:50:32,250 Mom should have had custody. 537 00:50:33,458 --> 00:50:36,625 Because you can't help yourself to control everything. 538 00:50:36,958 --> 00:50:39,083 You have the right to be angry with me. 539 00:50:39,458 --> 00:50:42,708 I made mistakes and I regret them. 540 00:50:43,791 --> 00:50:46,583 But what you say is absurd. 541 00:50:46,750 --> 00:50:48,041 You start again! 542 00:50:48,208 --> 00:50:49,666 You want to control me! 543 00:50:49,833 --> 00:50:52,791 - It's the drugs talking. - What does that mean? 544 00:50:53,208 --> 00:50:55,791 Psychological terror is linked to addiction. 545 00:50:55,958 --> 00:50:58,666 And what you are doing there, What do you call that? 546 00:51:08,708 --> 00:51:10,041 Damn. 547 00:51:13,250 --> 00:51:15,458 I didn't want us to argue. 548 00:51:21,875 --> 00:51:23,125 I have to go. 549 00:51:28,333 --> 00:51:30,500 Let me get you a room 550 00:51:30,666 --> 00:51:32,250 for two or three nights. 551 00:51:33,708 --> 00:51:36,500 How about we go eat something? 552 00:51:38,458 --> 00:51:40,666 - Are you leaving like that? - Bye. 553 00:51:53,083 --> 00:51:54,833 Where does he sleep? 554 00:51:56,375 --> 00:51:58,333 Don't worry, he's fine. 555 00:52:06,541 --> 00:52:08,583 He may be sleeping at a friend's house. 556 00:52:09,708 --> 00:52:10,791 Dolphin. 557 00:52:11,791 --> 00:52:12,916 Maybe. 558 00:52:13,416 --> 00:52:15,125 E. elephant. 559 00:52:15,666 --> 00:52:17,000 Can I call him? 560 00:52:19,458 --> 00:52:21,333 His phone is turned off. 561 00:52:21,500 --> 00:52:26,458 I can send him a message for if he ever feels alone? 562 00:52:27,500 --> 00:52:28,875 Good idea. 563 00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:31,791 We're going to do that. 564 00:53:25,833 --> 00:53:26,916 Dave! 565 00:53:34,250 --> 00:53:35,708 Close your eyes. 566 00:53:41,625 --> 00:53:42,625 Open. 567 00:54:46,708 --> 00:54:51,208 Julie Ford, Bellevue Hospital in New York. Is Nic Sheff your son? 568 00:54:55,916 --> 00:54:58,875 Mr. Sheff. Sorry, we missed it. 569 00:54:59,041 --> 00:55:02,333 Nic is still in respiratory distress, 570 00:55:02,500 --> 00:55:03,833 but there is something better. 571 00:55:05,291 --> 00:55:06,875 We're going to take off. 572 00:55:09,875 --> 00:55:11,125 Can I talk to him? 573 00:55:11,291 --> 00:55:12,791 No, it's impossible. 574 00:55:12,958 --> 00:55:14,750 Turn off your phone. 575 00:55:15,291 --> 00:55:17,375 Call back in a few hours. 576 00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:19,125 Tell him... 577 00:55:19,291 --> 00:55:20,125 Sir. 578 00:55:20,291 --> 00:55:22,833 Tell him I'm on my way. 579 00:55:32,291 --> 00:55:33,541 He left. 580 00:55:34,083 --> 00:55:36,833 - Against medical advice. - He overdosed! 581 00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:39,583 He tore off his perf and left. 582 00:55:40,333 --> 00:55:43,250 - A long time ago ? - 10 or 15 minutes. 583 00:55:44,166 --> 00:55:45,625 I'm sorry. 584 00:56:32,833 --> 00:56:34,541 I thought about it carefully. 585 00:56:35,166 --> 00:56:36,708 I'm stopping drugs. 586 00:56:36,875 --> 00:56:38,000 Finished. 587 00:56:41,416 --> 00:56:43,041 Believe me, dad. 588 00:56:43,750 --> 00:56:44,916 I stop. 589 00:56:56,125 --> 00:56:58,166 How you see things, 590 00:56:58,333 --> 00:57:01,166 after what just happened? 591 00:57:17,041 --> 00:57:20,041 If you are in the area, evacuation instructions 592 00:57:20,208 --> 00:57:22,958 and places of accommodation are indicated... 593 00:57:23,125 --> 00:57:27,458 At 3 p.m., we have a telephone meeting with central Mississippi, 594 00:57:28,083 --> 00:57:32,333 � 3:30 p.m. with that of New Mexico and at 4 p.m. with that of Oregon. 595 00:57:32,500 --> 00:57:35,083 I looked at the one in New Mexico. 596 00:57:35,500 --> 00:57:37,500 That's $40,000 a month. 597 00:57:37,791 --> 00:57:41,125 The reviews are bad, too. We're going to exclude it. 598 00:57:41,583 --> 00:57:44,458 If they actually open a center in L.A., 599 00:57:44,625 --> 00:57:46,708 that would be the best solution. 600 00:57:46,875 --> 00:57:49,166 I'll know more in an hour. 601 00:57:50,666 --> 00:57:54,583 Raise your foot, David. Let me take over. 602 00:58:02,375 --> 00:58:03,541 Dad ? 603 00:58:04,416 --> 00:58:05,500 Yes ? 604 00:58:05,666 --> 00:58:09,041 You can come see me every quarter of an hour? 605 00:58:10,166 --> 00:58:11,250 Yes. 606 00:58:17,708 --> 00:58:19,833 Go to sleep 607 00:58:21,500 --> 00:58:22,541 Don't be afraid 608 00:58:24,833 --> 00:58:28,416 The monster has gone elsewhere 609 00:58:28,666 --> 00:58:31,166 And your daddy is there 610 00:58:33,458 --> 00:58:36,958 You are my beautiful, my very beautiful 611 00:58:37,125 --> 00:58:38,666 My beautiful boy 612 00:58:43,166 --> 00:58:46,750 You are my beautiful, my very beautiful 613 00:58:46,916 --> 00:58:48,916 My beautiful boy 614 00:58:49,875 --> 00:58:51,125 Are you taking your dinos? 615 00:58:51,291 --> 00:58:53,916 Before crossing 616 00:58:55,458 --> 00:58:56,291 A book? 617 00:58:56,458 --> 00:58:57,791 Take my hand 618 00:59:00,791 --> 00:59:06,916 Life passes like nothing While we think about tomorrow 619 00:59:12,500 --> 00:59:13,916 Will you give me a hug? 620 00:59:15,833 --> 00:59:18,666 For what ? Are you angry with me? 621 00:59:19,583 --> 00:59:21,458 Because you have to leave? 622 00:59:25,916 --> 00:59:28,208 But are you happy to see mom? 623 00:59:30,583 --> 00:59:31,833 Listen to me carefully. 624 00:59:32,750 --> 00:59:35,625 When you come back, I'll be there. 625 00:59:35,791 --> 00:59:37,458 I will wait for you. 626 00:59:39,916 --> 00:59:42,833 We'll call each other if we miss each other. 627 00:59:44,208 --> 00:59:46,083 Do you know how much I love you? 628 00:59:53,791 --> 00:59:56,541 No words in any language 629 00:59:58,750 --> 01:00:00,791 cannot describe my love for you. 630 01:00:00,958 --> 01:00:03,708 If you put all these words together, 631 01:00:04,291 --> 01:00:06,416 it would still be too weak. 632 01:00:06,750 --> 01:00:09,791 What I feel for you is everything. 633 01:00:11,875 --> 01:00:14,083 I love you more than anything. 634 01:00:16,208 --> 01:00:17,625 More than anything? 635 01:00:18,333 --> 01:00:20,000 Yes, more than anything. 636 01:00:54,875 --> 01:00:56,250 She's my mother. 637 01:00:56,666 --> 01:00:59,291 I'm happy that you came to L.A. 638 01:00:59,458 --> 01:01:00,958 You know that, right? 639 01:01:08,041 --> 01:01:09,375 You can't imagine... 640 01:01:09,541 --> 01:01:11,166 Not that, mom. 641 01:01:11,625 --> 01:01:12,708 Pardon. 642 01:01:20,625 --> 01:01:22,750 I only thought of you. 643 01:01:28,500 --> 01:01:31,583 It may be insignificant, but I'm sorry. 644 01:01:35,333 --> 01:01:36,875 I'm sorry. 645 01:01:46,250 --> 01:01:47,958 You are a love. 646 01:01:48,333 --> 01:01:49,750 Do you know that? 647 01:02:11,750 --> 01:02:14,166 - Come on, ancestor! - You are insolent! 648 01:02:14,333 --> 01:02:16,125 - No way ! - Oh yes! 649 01:02:19,333 --> 01:02:21,375 - Watch out! - Damn! 650 01:02:22,541 --> 01:02:24,625 You're going to suck my wheel, kid. 651 01:03:00,333 --> 01:03:01,750 Little ingrate. 652 01:03:21,500 --> 01:03:22,916 How do you feel? 653 01:03:27,791 --> 01:03:30,000 Like a full human. 654 01:03:38,708 --> 01:03:41,958 One day I tried methamphetamine. 655 01:03:43,708 --> 01:03:44,875 It felt good. 656 01:03:45,041 --> 01:03:46,958 I had the impression 657 01:03:47,791 --> 01:03:49,708 to have filled a gap, 658 01:03:50,541 --> 01:03:52,083 found fullness. 659 01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:54,458 What a good day! 660 01:03:54,625 --> 01:03:58,750 I try to find this euphoria again, since then. 661 01:03:59,875 --> 01:04:01,000 Whatever... 662 01:04:01,416 --> 01:04:02,875 the amount of meth 663 01:04:03,708 --> 01:04:07,000 or anything that I inject myself into the body, 664 01:04:07,750 --> 01:04:10,083 it's never enough. 665 01:04:14,583 --> 01:04:18,041 I did some rehab, I weaned myself. 666 01:04:18,208 --> 01:04:20,375 It's an illness, that's for sure. 667 01:04:20,875 --> 01:04:21,916 But... 668 01:04:22,625 --> 01:04:23,875 I didn't get it. 669 01:04:27,083 --> 01:04:30,583 Until the day where I woke up in the hospital, 670 01:04:31,291 --> 01:04:33,666 and someone asked me: 671 01:04:35,125 --> 01:04:36,750 “What are you suffering from?” 672 01:04:39,958 --> 01:04:43,041 I replied: "I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict." 673 01:04:43,708 --> 01:04:44,625 He said: 674 01:04:46,250 --> 01:04:48,833 "That's your way to manage your suffering." 675 01:04:49,000 --> 01:04:49,958 It's true. 676 01:04:50,125 --> 01:04:53,291 I understood that I had to find a way 677 01:04:53,750 --> 01:04:55,166 to fill this... 678 01:04:57,333 --> 01:04:58,500 immense 679 01:04:59,000 --> 01:05:01,208 black hole inside me. 680 01:05:05,666 --> 01:05:07,250 Anyway... 681 01:05:07,750 --> 01:05:09,833 I have been clean for 14 months. 682 01:05:11,041 --> 01:05:12,833 I work in a center. 683 01:05:14,541 --> 01:05:17,500 It's rewarding to help others stop. 684 01:05:19,500 --> 01:05:21,541 I have a godfather, Spencer. 685 01:05:22,583 --> 01:05:25,791 He shows me that life is beautiful, without drugs. 686 01:05:26,541 --> 01:05:28,750 I still have my family. 687 01:05:31,125 --> 01:05:33,166 My mother was incredible. 688 01:05:33,958 --> 01:05:35,833 My father too. 689 01:05:42,666 --> 01:05:45,041 I want them to be proud of me. 690 01:06:24,125 --> 01:06:25,250 How are you? 691 01:06:26,583 --> 01:06:28,958 What's going on? Are you nervous? 692 01:06:29,125 --> 01:06:29,833 Yes. 693 01:06:37,083 --> 01:06:38,791 Thank you for marrying me. 694 01:06:40,458 --> 01:06:44,958 Thank you for being a perfect companion in an imperfect world. 695 01:06:46,333 --> 01:06:48,666 Thank you for sharing your amazing son. 696 01:06:52,208 --> 01:06:54,333 I will always be there for you. 697 01:06:54,500 --> 01:06:56,041 Karen, thank you... 698 01:06:56,416 --> 01:06:57,833 to love me. 699 01:06:59,916 --> 01:07:01,708 And to love him. 700 01:07:11,916 --> 01:07:14,500 And there he throws me: “Superman.” 701 01:07:39,583 --> 01:07:41,916 It's good to see you. Hi, Daisy. 702 01:07:42,083 --> 01:07:43,500 Hello, you. 703 01:07:46,875 --> 01:07:48,500 Hi, Jazzy Jeff. 704 01:07:48,666 --> 01:07:50,041 How are you, buddy? 705 01:07:51,041 --> 01:07:54,250 I missed you like the moon missing from the sun. 706 01:07:59,166 --> 01:08:00,291 Hi, Karen. 707 01:08:06,333 --> 01:08:09,333 Thank you for your invitation, sincerely. 708 01:08:40,041 --> 01:08:41,791 Go ahead, Daisy! 709 01:08:43,749 --> 01:08:44,999 Hello, sweetie. 710 01:08:49,124 --> 01:08:50,416 Go ahead, Daisy! 711 01:09:00,041 --> 01:09:01,041 Great. 712 01:09:23,083 --> 01:09:23,916 "The absence 713 01:09:24,083 --> 01:09:26,083 "of this protein in the drug addict 714 01:09:26,249 --> 01:09:28,791 "indicates a loss of neurotransmitters 715 01:09:28,958 --> 01:09:31,624 "and irreversible damage to the brain. 716 01:09:31,791 --> 01:09:35,541 "However, his VMAT2 level is normal." 717 01:09:35,708 --> 01:09:36,874 Is it positive? 718 01:09:37,041 --> 01:09:39,333 “Normal” is positive, yes. 719 01:09:40,208 --> 01:09:42,374 - Really. - I wanted to be sure. 720 01:09:42,541 --> 01:09:43,833 It's good. 721 01:09:43,999 --> 01:09:45,416 Basically, 722 01:09:45,583 --> 01:09:49,166 Nic's damaged nerve endings 723 01:09:49,333 --> 01:09:50,874 can regenerate. 724 01:09:51,624 --> 01:09:53,458 It could take two years... 725 01:09:53,624 --> 01:09:54,750 Two years? 726 01:09:55,875 --> 01:09:57,583 It's still great. 727 01:10:10,875 --> 01:10:12,125 You come home late. 728 01:10:12,291 --> 01:10:13,750 The meeting was great. 729 01:10:13,916 --> 01:10:17,541 Afterwards, we went to the moderator watch a video. 730 01:10:17,708 --> 01:10:21,000 Some of my accompanying friends were there. 731 01:10:21,541 --> 01:10:23,000 Not a phone call? 732 01:10:23,458 --> 01:10:25,208 My battery was dead. 733 01:10:28,958 --> 01:10:31,333 Do you want to do a screening? 734 01:10:32,833 --> 01:10:34,583 Yes, no problem. 735 01:10:54,416 --> 01:10:56,125 Do you understand why? 736 01:10:56,958 --> 01:11:00,416 Yes. I should have called to warn you. 737 01:11:01,708 --> 01:11:04,416 I trust you, I need proof. 738 01:11:08,875 --> 01:11:11,291 More paradoxically, you die. 739 01:11:11,458 --> 01:11:12,625 I know. 740 01:11:15,583 --> 01:11:17,416 I'm going to take the test. 741 01:11:18,000 --> 01:11:19,500 I have nothing to hide. 742 01:11:25,250 --> 01:11:26,791 You assure. 743 01:11:29,125 --> 01:11:30,375 Really. 744 01:11:31,000 --> 01:11:33,791 485 days of abstinence. 745 01:11:35,750 --> 01:11:36,833 It's... 746 01:11:40,125 --> 01:11:42,625 I'll leave it for you in the bathroom. 747 01:11:45,625 --> 01:11:46,833 Good night, dad. 748 01:11:47,208 --> 01:11:49,333 - I love you. - I love you too. 749 01:12:20,625 --> 01:12:21,958 Ready, Jasper? 750 01:12:22,750 --> 01:12:24,125 Here we go. 751 01:12:25,583 --> 01:12:26,875 Wait ! 752 01:12:27,958 --> 01:12:29,916 Jasper, you're not going in the water. 753 01:12:30,375 --> 01:12:32,083 We won't go far, I swear! 754 01:12:32,250 --> 01:12:33,625 It's too dangerous. 755 01:12:33,791 --> 01:12:36,041 I'm used to big waves. 756 01:12:36,416 --> 01:12:37,583 Maybe, but... 757 01:12:37,750 --> 01:12:39,333 I will stay close by. 758 01:12:39,666 --> 01:12:41,416 Nic will stay close by. 759 01:12:43,041 --> 01:12:45,041 I promise, I'll stay close by. 760 01:12:45,208 --> 01:12:46,833 Nic can go. 761 01:12:47,125 --> 01:12:49,166 You, no. No discussion. 762 01:12:49,500 --> 01:12:51,166 You won't stop me. 763 01:12:51,458 --> 01:12:53,083 All right. It's good. 764 01:12:53,416 --> 01:12:54,500 It's good. 765 01:13:04,791 --> 01:13:06,750 Shall we play a game instead? 766 01:13:11,458 --> 01:13:12,833 Are you a board? 767 01:13:16,541 --> 01:13:17,958 A cycling bike? 768 01:13:20,541 --> 01:13:21,833 Are you edible? 769 01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:23,208 Not really. 770 01:13:23,375 --> 01:13:24,583 Not really ? 771 01:13:25,166 --> 01:13:26,750 More or less. 772 01:13:29,541 --> 01:13:30,833 Are you a house? 773 01:13:31,000 --> 01:13:32,833 How did you guess? 774 01:13:34,541 --> 01:13:35,625 You know. 775 01:13:36,458 --> 01:13:38,000 I read your head. 776 01:13:42,541 --> 01:13:44,333 You are a great swimmer. 777 01:13:44,500 --> 01:13:47,625 I will come to encourage you See you next time, okay? 778 01:13:51,791 --> 01:13:54,666 It's weird seeing me again after all this time? 779 01:13:54,833 --> 01:13:56,791 At first, yes. 780 01:13:57,333 --> 01:13:59,541 I thought you would have changed, 781 01:13:59,708 --> 01:14:02,500 but you're still good old Nic. 782 01:14:25,875 --> 01:14:27,750 I had a great weekend. 783 01:16:20,458 --> 01:16:23,458 Every day is a fight. This is the real world. 784 01:16:23,625 --> 01:16:26,250 I can't take it anymore to live in the real world. 785 01:16:26,750 --> 01:16:30,791 It's your illness speaking. She wants to isolate you to kill you. 786 01:16:30,958 --> 01:16:34,125 I don't see it as an illness, Spencer. 787 01:16:35,208 --> 01:16:36,208 You should. 788 01:16:36,375 --> 01:16:41,333 It's not fucking cancer. I made the choice to fall into it. 789 01:16:41,500 --> 01:16:45,083 Yes, you fell into it. Can I place one? 790 01:16:46,583 --> 01:16:51,125 You are a writer, so write. You are gifted. Make a real choice. 791 01:16:51,916 --> 01:16:55,375 If you cam, you will lose everything. You won't choose anything. 792 01:16:55,541 --> 01:16:57,958 Choose to stay on track. 793 01:17:01,916 --> 01:17:04,375 There you go. Choose the right path. 794 01:17:05,541 --> 01:17:09,250 I'll call you back later. I already feel better. 795 01:17:09,416 --> 01:17:13,291 Are you pissing me off or what? I'm here for you, buddy. 796 01:17:13,833 --> 01:17:16,375 I'm making steaks tonight. Come and have dinner. 797 01:17:16,541 --> 01:17:17,708 Heard. 798 01:17:17,958 --> 01:17:20,875 Great, let's do it like that. See you tonight. 799 01:17:21,166 --> 01:17:22,166 Nick? 800 01:18:20,375 --> 01:18:21,708 Nick Sheff! 801 01:18:22,541 --> 01:18:25,541 Lauren. What are you doing here? 802 01:18:28,500 --> 01:18:30,958 It's been a long time. What are you doing here? 803 01:18:32,916 --> 01:18:34,166 I wanted... 804 01:18:36,375 --> 01:18:37,416 What? 805 01:18:41,958 --> 01:18:45,166 Tired of abstinence. I want to have fun. 806 01:19:09,625 --> 01:19:11,958 Ecstasy for my friend. 807 01:19:12,125 --> 01:19:13,625 I told you so. 808 01:19:22,666 --> 01:19:24,375 You can bring water 809 01:19:24,541 --> 01:19:25,666 and a spoon? 810 01:19:47,375 --> 01:19:48,333 Hold. 811 01:19:48,500 --> 01:19:49,500 THANKS. 812 01:19:50,875 --> 01:19:52,541 Cotton and spoon. 813 01:20:19,000 --> 01:20:20,208 Damn. 814 01:20:30,083 --> 01:20:31,291 There, it's over. 815 01:20:43,875 --> 01:20:45,291 The cow. 816 01:23:04,625 --> 01:23:08,375 You are redirected to automatic messaging. 817 01:23:08,541 --> 01:23:10,958 Leave your message after the beep. 818 01:23:11,625 --> 01:23:13,166 It's dad again. 819 01:23:13,416 --> 01:23:16,458 I found you sad when you left. 820 01:23:16,625 --> 01:23:18,833 If you want to talk, I'm here. 821 01:23:33,083 --> 01:23:35,458 You don't know where he is at all? 822 01:23:36,416 --> 01:23:38,125 Spencer got it online. 823 01:23:38,291 --> 01:23:42,041 He was going through a difficult phase, but he held on. 824 01:23:42,208 --> 01:23:45,375 If he's nowhere and he doesn't respond... 825 01:23:45,541 --> 01:23:46,750 Damn, Vicki. 826 01:23:47,083 --> 01:23:50,500 He left two days ago and you didn't call him? 827 01:23:50,666 --> 01:23:52,625 You're supposed to watch over him. 828 01:23:52,791 --> 01:23:56,416 You're bloated. Who has been watching over him for a year? 829 01:23:56,583 --> 01:23:59,541 You could have called him. Is it that complicated? 830 01:23:59,708 --> 01:24:02,000 Do you think I have nothing to do? 831 01:24:02,166 --> 01:24:05,333 And we can't watch him permanently. 832 01:24:06,333 --> 01:24:10,666 You need to go to the police and declare his disappearance. 833 01:24:10,833 --> 01:24:12,375 Stop yelling at me! 834 01:24:12,541 --> 01:24:15,833 I'm yelling at you because you are really... 835 01:24:16,083 --> 01:24:17,291 What are you waiting for? 836 01:24:17,458 --> 01:24:18,875 I don't deserve this! 837 01:24:19,041 --> 01:24:20,291 Listen to me. 838 01:24:25,416 --> 01:24:26,458 Piss off! 839 01:24:34,583 --> 01:24:35,458 Dave? 840 01:24:36,500 --> 01:24:38,625 Can you call my cell phone? 841 01:24:41,916 --> 01:24:43,125 What is it? 842 01:24:43,500 --> 01:24:44,833 He disappeared. 843 01:24:47,541 --> 01:24:49,416 Who told you he's in L.A.? 844 01:24:49,583 --> 01:24:53,541 He could be in San Francisco or... in Mexico, 845 01:24:53,708 --> 01:24:55,000 if so. 846 01:24:55,916 --> 01:24:57,125 I have to go. 847 01:24:57,291 --> 01:24:59,583 I need you to stay. 848 01:24:59,916 --> 01:25:02,041 - Vicki is overwhelmed. - I don't care. 849 01:25:02,291 --> 01:25:03,625 That's not the problem. 850 01:25:03,791 --> 01:25:06,708 Try to calm down and to be reasonable. 851 01:25:07,416 --> 01:25:08,458 Speak for yourself. 852 01:25:08,625 --> 01:25:10,750 - I'm reasonable. - Do you think so? 853 01:25:10,916 --> 01:25:12,541 No, absolutely not! 854 01:25:13,375 --> 01:25:16,000 How could I? My son is missing 855 01:25:16,166 --> 01:25:19,208 and I don't know what he's doing nor how to help him! 856 01:25:19,375 --> 01:25:20,708 You can't! 857 01:25:31,791 --> 01:25:33,625 I can't sleep. 858 01:25:37,833 --> 01:25:40,250 - You can't do it? - No. 859 01:25:46,208 --> 01:25:47,750 Good night, dad. 860 01:25:49,833 --> 01:25:50,916 Good night. 861 01:26:28,166 --> 01:26:29,291 Go ahead! 862 01:26:29,750 --> 01:26:31,500 The plane is flying! 863 01:26:34,625 --> 01:26:35,791 Plane ! 864 01:26:36,375 --> 01:26:37,916 Fly away! 865 01:26:40,416 --> 01:26:42,125 Plane in flight! 866 01:27:47,166 --> 01:27:48,041 Stay there. 867 01:27:48,208 --> 01:27:49,583 Wait, darling. 868 01:27:49,750 --> 01:27:50,958 Good dog. 869 01:27:52,875 --> 01:27:56,000 - Are you sulking? - Nic promised to be there. 870 01:27:56,708 --> 01:27:58,375 He had an obstacle. 871 01:28:00,250 --> 01:28:01,791 Can I call him? 872 01:28:02,250 --> 01:28:05,375 No, that's not going to be possible. 873 01:28:05,791 --> 01:28:08,166 - For what ? - It's like that. 874 01:28:08,958 --> 01:28:11,375 Did he start doing drugs again? 875 01:28:16,458 --> 01:28:17,791 We don't know, darling. 876 01:30:50,208 --> 01:30:53,125 My worst fears as a father have become reality... 877 01:31:00,916 --> 01:31:02,666 Have you seen my son? 878 01:31:02,833 --> 01:31:05,000 Have you seen my beautiful boy? 879 01:31:05,166 --> 01:31:06,583 I miss him. 880 01:31:37,500 --> 01:31:38,916 Come on, Jasper! 881 01:32:17,958 --> 01:32:18,958 Shit. 882 01:32:19,125 --> 01:32:20,208 Lauren. 883 01:32:21,791 --> 01:32:24,000 Come along. We have to get out. 884 01:32:26,166 --> 01:32:27,708 What's going on? 885 01:32:28,416 --> 01:32:29,625 We have to get out. 886 01:32:47,666 --> 01:32:48,833 I saw Nick. 887 01:32:49,791 --> 01:32:50,791 What ? 888 01:32:50,958 --> 01:32:53,750 I saw Nic and a girl. They were running away. 889 01:33:00,833 --> 01:33:01,875 Nick! 890 01:33:02,166 --> 01:33:03,750 Stay indoors. 891 01:33:06,625 --> 01:33:09,416 Stay inside! I'm not kidding. 892 01:33:10,166 --> 01:33:11,125 Stay there. 893 01:33:17,458 --> 01:33:19,833 Never again. Do you hear me? 894 01:33:20,000 --> 01:33:21,291 What do we do? 895 01:33:21,666 --> 01:33:22,583 It's going to be okay. 896 01:33:28,208 --> 01:33:29,791 It was too terrible. 897 01:33:30,250 --> 01:33:31,583 Piss off! 898 01:35:13,541 --> 01:35:14,833 Come on ! 899 01:35:44,875 --> 01:35:46,333 I'm sorry. 900 01:36:15,166 --> 01:36:16,625 911. I listen to you. 901 01:36:16,791 --> 01:36:21,416 Good evening. A friend overdoses. We need an ambulance. 902 01:36:21,583 --> 01:36:24,125 - Did you perform CPR? - I try. 903 01:36:25,125 --> 01:36:27,125 Are you sending an ambulance? 904 01:36:27,458 --> 01:36:28,625 Where are you? 905 01:36:29,958 --> 01:36:32,291 I don't know. Locate the call. 906 01:36:34,875 --> 01:36:36,708 Are you still here? 907 01:36:53,875 --> 01:36:55,083 Look up. 908 01:36:56,166 --> 01:36:57,958 Can you look up? 909 01:36:59,666 --> 01:37:01,500 Look over here. 910 01:37:03,166 --> 01:37:05,791 We need to take you to the emergency room. 911 01:37:05,958 --> 01:37:07,541 I don't want to. 912 01:37:07,708 --> 01:37:08,625 It has to be. 913 01:37:08,791 --> 01:37:09,708 She doesn't want to. 914 01:37:09,875 --> 01:37:12,250 - She's not doing well. - She said no. 915 01:37:13,166 --> 01:37:16,416 She has to go. Is this a problem for you? 916 01:37:16,583 --> 01:37:18,291 I can call the police. 917 01:37:18,458 --> 01:37:19,791 I don't believe it! 918 01:37:21,083 --> 01:37:23,083 You'll meet me there, right? 919 01:37:23,666 --> 01:37:24,958 - Yes. - Promise? 920 01:37:25,916 --> 01:37:27,083 I love you. 921 01:37:27,791 --> 01:37:29,083 I love you too. 922 01:37:30,791 --> 01:37:31,625 Will you come? 923 01:37:31,791 --> 01:37:34,666 Yes, I tell you! Get off me, whore! 924 01:37:35,541 --> 01:37:36,916 Holy shit. 925 01:38:03,875 --> 01:38:05,041 David Sheff. 926 01:38:05,916 --> 01:38:07,375 It's me, dad. 927 01:38:10,625 --> 01:38:11,666 Nick? 928 01:38:21,833 --> 01:38:23,833 Please don't hate me. 929 01:38:25,458 --> 01:38:27,125 I know I screwed up. 930 01:38:29,333 --> 01:38:32,916 I want to stop, but I beg you, no rehab. 931 01:38:33,083 --> 01:38:35,416 Let me go home. You know... 932 01:38:36,166 --> 01:38:38,166 I realize that... 933 01:38:39,250 --> 01:38:43,041 I need you, you will give me the strength to stop. 934 01:38:44,750 --> 01:38:45,791 All right ? 935 01:38:50,041 --> 01:38:51,750 I regret. 936 01:39:01,000 --> 01:39:03,875 I wish I could help you, 937 01:39:04,041 --> 01:39:05,875 but I can't. 938 01:39:06,708 --> 01:39:07,833 I can't. 939 01:39:08,000 --> 01:39:09,875 Help me, I beg you. 940 01:39:11,375 --> 01:39:13,666 Just a little more. 941 01:39:16,000 --> 01:39:17,666 Let me go home! 942 01:39:17,833 --> 01:39:20,708 You already know everything I could tell you. 943 01:39:20,875 --> 01:39:22,916 You don't fucking listen to me. 944 01:39:23,083 --> 01:39:24,500 Call your sponsor. 945 01:39:25,125 --> 01:39:26,625 I want to talk to you. 946 01:39:26,791 --> 01:39:27,958 Get help. 947 01:39:29,416 --> 01:39:30,625 I love you 948 01:39:30,916 --> 01:39:33,458 and I hope you will get through it. 949 01:39:33,625 --> 01:39:34,750 I love you too. 950 01:39:35,458 --> 01:39:36,416 I love you. 951 01:42:06,708 --> 01:42:09,458 Nicolas called. He's doing very badly. 952 01:42:11,000 --> 01:42:13,291 He's going to die if we don't help him. 953 01:42:15,083 --> 01:42:17,166 He will die, even if we help him. 954 01:42:19,041 --> 01:42:20,875 We have no control over him. 955 01:42:26,916 --> 01:42:27,916 I failed. 956 01:42:28,208 --> 01:42:29,541 You're ashamed, I know. 957 01:42:29,708 --> 01:42:30,833 Me too. 958 01:42:32,583 --> 01:42:34,625 But you were great. 959 01:42:34,875 --> 01:42:37,333 Karen too, so thank you. 960 01:42:37,666 --> 01:42:41,333 You've done more than your share and I won't give up. 961 01:42:42,458 --> 01:42:43,541 Never. 962 01:42:46,166 --> 01:42:48,625 But I can't do it alone. 963 01:42:51,958 --> 01:42:53,458 You have to help me. 964 01:42:57,000 --> 01:42:59,625 We can't save people. 965 01:43:01,625 --> 01:43:04,291 We can support them, all the same. 966 01:43:16,333 --> 01:43:17,625 I've had enough. 967 01:43:19,208 --> 01:43:20,541 All right ? 968 01:43:22,208 --> 01:43:23,291 All right. 969 01:43:53,541 --> 01:43:56,500 I AM NEITHER THE RESPONSIBLE NOR THE SOLUTION 970 01:43:57,541 --> 01:44:00,916 Everyone come closer! The meeting is about to begin. 971 01:44:14,208 --> 01:44:15,208 Good morning. 972 01:44:16,916 --> 01:44:18,625 My week was hard. 973 01:44:20,541 --> 01:44:23,541 Some of you know this, others don't. 974 01:44:24,541 --> 01:44:28,916 I lost my Frances. She died of an overdose on Sunday. 975 01:44:31,750 --> 01:44:33,750 I guess I'm grieving. 976 01:44:35,625 --> 01:44:37,625 But I realized one thing. 977 01:44:38,208 --> 01:44:42,208 In fact, I'm grieving for years. 978 01:44:44,166 --> 01:44:47,958 Even when she was alive, she wasn't there. 979 01:44:49,458 --> 01:44:52,125 Having to mourn the living, 980 01:44:54,166 --> 01:44:55,875 it’s terrible to live with. 981 01:44:58,875 --> 01:44:59,875 So... 982 01:45:01,708 --> 01:45:03,041 maybe it's... 983 01:45:03,875 --> 01:45:04,958 better like that. 984 01:45:09,541 --> 01:45:11,125 It was a love, 985 01:45:11,833 --> 01:45:14,291 a wonderful young woman. 986 01:45:17,083 --> 01:45:18,708 I always told myself 987 01:45:19,125 --> 01:45:22,166 that I had to stay strong, 988 01:45:22,333 --> 01:45:24,833 in case something happens 989 01:45:25,000 --> 01:45:28,250 and I need with all my strength. 990 01:45:31,500 --> 01:45:33,583 But nothing more will happen. 991 01:45:35,250 --> 01:45:37,791 I hope she doesn't suffer anymore. 992 01:45:44,250 --> 01:45:45,833 Goodbye, Frances. 993 01:47:45,375 --> 01:47:46,500 Good morning. 994 01:47:56,958 --> 01:47:58,333 How is he? 995 01:47:58,500 --> 01:48:00,250 The doctor is with him. 996 01:48:02,291 --> 01:48:07,250 It's a miracle that he survived with the drugs he has in his body. 997 01:55:06,166 --> 01:55:08,291 May you have peace and happiness 998 01:55:08,458 --> 01:55:10,000 open your soul. 999 01:55:10,625 --> 01:55:11,958 In my youth, 1000 01:55:12,125 --> 01:55:15,541 I found these things stupid and trivial. 1001 01:55:15,708 --> 01:55:19,875 My blood was bad, my mind twisted, rudimentary education. 1002 01:55:20,041 --> 01:55:23,458 I was as hard as granite. I disdained the sun. 1003 01:55:23,625 --> 01:55:26,875 I distrusted everyone, especially women. 1004 01:55:27,041 --> 01:55:31,208 I was suffocating in the cramped rooms, I smashed things, 1005 01:55:31,375 --> 01:55:33,750 I walked on the glass, I swore. 1006 01:55:33,916 --> 01:55:37,666 I was looking for a fight, I was constantly ostracized, 1007 01:55:37,833 --> 01:55:40,083 out of combat and out of myself. 1008 01:55:40,250 --> 01:55:44,708 Women were only good for fucking. I didn't have any male friends. 1009 01:55:44,875 --> 01:55:47,000 I went from job to job and city to city. 1010 01:55:47,166 --> 01:55:51,416 I hated vacations, babies, history, newspapers, museums, 1011 01:55:51,583 --> 01:55:55,625 grandmothers, marriage, films, spiders, garbage collectors, 1012 01:55:55,791 --> 01:55:59,333 English accents, Spain, France, Italy, 1013 01:55:59,500 --> 01:56:02,041 nuts and orange color. 1014 01:56:02,416 --> 01:56:05,791 Algebra was driving me crazy. The opera made me vomit. 1015 01:56:05,958 --> 01:56:10,125 Charlie Chaplin was a smoker and flowers, good for queers. 1016 01:56:10,291 --> 01:56:13,583 Peace and happiness were signs of inferiority, 1017 01:56:13,750 --> 01:56:16,375 good for the weak and the simpletons. 1018 01:56:16,541 --> 01:56:18,875 While continuing my street fights, 1019 01:56:19,041 --> 01:56:22,833 my suicidal years, my passages from woman to woman, 1020 01:56:23,000 --> 01:56:25,041 I gradually realized 1021 01:56:25,208 --> 01:56:28,041 that I was not different from others. 1022 01:56:28,208 --> 01:56:32,416 They were all filled with hatred, steeped in petty grudges. 1023 01:56:32,583 --> 01:56:35,083 My opponents had hearts of stone. 1024 01:56:35,250 --> 01:56:39,958 Everyone was pulling, pushing, cheating for insignificant profit. 1025 01:56:40,125 --> 01:56:43,250 The lie was the weapon of an empty plot. 1026 01:56:43,416 --> 01:56:45,291 Darkness was the law. 1027 01:56:45,458 --> 01:56:48,666 Cautiously, I allowed myself moments of happiness. 1028 01:56:48,833 --> 01:56:53,583 I experienced peace in slums looking at the wood of a dresser 1029 01:56:53,750 --> 01:56:56,166 or listening to the rain in the dark. 1030 01:56:56,333 --> 01:56:59,083 The fewer needs I had, the better I felt. 1031 01:56:59,250 --> 01:57:01,083 I was tired of my previous life. 1032 01:57:01,250 --> 01:57:05,166 I no longer had pleasure to have the upper hand in a discussion 1033 01:57:05,333 --> 01:57:08,166 or to ride a poor drunk 1034 01:57:08,333 --> 01:57:10,958 whose existence was nothing but sorrow. 1035 01:57:11,125 --> 01:57:15,833 I will never be fooled by life, I will not swallow all its poisons, 1036 01:57:16,000 --> 01:57:20,291 but fleeting and magical moments made me wonder. 1037 01:57:20,458 --> 01:57:25,291 I reviewed my copy. I don't know when, but the change has taken place. 1038 01:57:25,458 --> 01:57:28,708 Something in me relaxed, softened. 1039 01:57:28,875 --> 01:57:32,875 I no longer had to prove my virility nor anything. 1040 01:57:33,041 --> 01:57:37,208 I suddenly saw the cups lined up behind a counter, 1041 01:57:37,375 --> 01:57:39,625 a dog walking on a sidewalk, 1042 01:57:39,791 --> 01:57:43,666 the way the mouse on my dresser froze completely, 1043 01:57:43,833 --> 01:57:46,041 his body, his ears, his muzzle. 1044 01:57:46,208 --> 01:57:49,458 She remained there, like a flash of life. 1045 01:57:49,625 --> 01:57:51,416 His eyes stared at me 1046 01:57:51,916 --> 01:57:53,583 and they were beautiful. 1047 01:57:53,916 --> 01:57:56,000 Then she disappeared. 1048 01:57:56,166 --> 01:57:59,958 I started to feel good, even in the worst situations. 1049 01:58:00,125 --> 01:58:01,708 They were numerous. 1050 01:58:01,875 --> 01:58:04,833 Take the boss behind his desk. 1051 01:58:05,000 --> 01:58:08,750 He's going to have to fire me. I've been away too many days. 1052 01:58:08,916 --> 01:58:11,916 Suit, tie, glasses. 1053 01:58:12,083 --> 01:58:15,208 He says: “I’m going to have to send you back.” 1054 01:58:15,375 --> 01:58:16,541 “Okay,” I say. 1055 01:58:16,708 --> 01:58:19,500 He does his job. He has a wife, a house, 1056 01:58:19,666 --> 01:58:23,250 children, trafficking, probably a girlfriend. 1057 01:58:23,416 --> 01:58:26,041 I pity him. He's stuck. 1058 01:58:26,208 --> 01:58:31,041 I go out into the blinding sun. The day is mine, for a while. 1059 01:58:31,208 --> 01:58:33,208 The world is on fire and blood. 1060 01:58:33,375 --> 01:58:36,333 Anger everywhere, the feeling of being wronged. 1061 01:58:36,500 --> 01:58:39,041 Discouragement everywhere, disillusionment. 1062 01:58:39,208 --> 01:58:42,208 I welcome every scrap of peace and happiness. 1063 01:58:42,375 --> 01:58:45,083 I'm fed up like an alluring grandpa: 1064 01:58:45,250 --> 01:58:47,916 heels, tits, greedy mouth as desired. 1065 01:58:48,083 --> 01:58:50,750 Let's get along. There is a blissful optimism 1066 01:58:50,916 --> 01:58:53,625 who closes his eyes facing problems. 1067 01:58:53,791 --> 01:58:55,916 It is an illusion and a disease. 1068 01:58:56,416 --> 01:59:00,208 The blade grazed my neck again, my hand sought the gas again. 1069 01:59:00,375 --> 01:59:04,166 But when the good times came again, I didn't fight. 1070 01:59:04,333 --> 01:59:05,583 I welcomed them. 1071 01:59:05,750 --> 01:59:08,750 I surrendered myself to them blessing their return. 1072 01:59:08,916 --> 01:59:13,166 Once, even, while looking my face that I thought was ugly, 1073 01:59:13,333 --> 01:59:15,083 I loved my reflection. 1074 01:59:15,416 --> 01:59:16,791 He was almost handsome. 1075 01:59:16,958 --> 01:59:18,916 A little damaged, certainly, 1076 01:59:19,083 --> 01:59:23,666 with its share of scars and bumps, but overall, not too bad. 1077 01:59:23,833 --> 01:59:25,166 Almost beautiful. 1078 01:59:25,333 --> 01:59:29,166 Better than that of movie stars, smooth as a baby's ass. 1079 01:59:29,333 --> 01:59:32,958 Finally, I learned to love others without expecting it. 1080 01:59:33,125 --> 01:59:35,166 For example, this morning, 1081 01:59:35,333 --> 01:59:38,666 when leaving, I saw my wife in bed. 1082 01:59:38,833 --> 01:59:43,625 His head emerged from the covers. Just the shape of his head there. 1083 01:59:44,125 --> 01:59:47,541 I forget neither the centuries, neither the dead, nor the pyramids, 1084 01:59:47,708 --> 01:59:50,375 nor the music of Mozart which still resonates. 1085 01:59:50,541 --> 01:59:54,625 The grass grows, the earth turns, the mail sorter is waiting for me. 1086 01:59:54,791 --> 01:59:57,750 Seeing my wife's face so still, 1087 01:59:57,916 --> 02:00:01,250 I felt a bite in my heart thinking about his life. 1088 02:00:01,416 --> 02:00:04,000 I kissed his forehead, left the house, 1089 02:00:04,166 --> 02:00:08,208 took my wonderful car, put on my seat belt, backed into the aisle. 1090 02:00:08,375 --> 02:00:12,833 A warmth invaded me, fingers up to my foot on the pedal. 1091 02:00:13,000 --> 02:00:15,041 Once again, I joined the world. 1092 02:00:15,208 --> 02:00:18,708 I drove, passed the houses full and empty of people. 1093 02:00:18,875 --> 02:00:21,250 I saw the postman, I honked the horn. 1094 02:00:21,416 --> 02:00:23,333 He returned my greeting. 1095 02:00:24,500 --> 02:00:26,750 Adaptation: Emmanuelle Boillot 1096 02:00:26,916 --> 02:00:28,458 Subtitle: HIVENTY